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At 25, Aduke is a beauty to behold. Debonair and radiating a light-hearted mien, she also packs a punch when it comes to wit and intelligence. She has no problem capturing any man’s heart. Since she was a teenager, men have fallen head over heels in love with her. Aduke has the voice of a nightingale and keeps the entire community spellbound at every festival. Every festival saw her coming up with a new composition. To cap it all, the wiggling of her waist as she sang was enough to take any lecherous man into the realms of putrid imaginations. At a point, the surrounding villages began to request that Aduke become a prominent feature of their festivals.
And that was when the problems began. Aduke’s beauty and talent have been her albatross. At 25, Aduke is in her third marriage. She has three children from three husbands. Her first marriage was at the age of 19 to a young man who doted on her to no end and paid a premium dowry to get her. Less than two years into the marriage, she got an invitation to another village to perform. There she met a man who wooed her with soothing words and showered her with more gifts than her current husband ever had. He was already married to two other women. She returned home, packed her things, left her child and current husband, and moved into the new man’s house to be his third wife. As is usual in the Yoruba (a tribe in Southwest Nigeria) culture, being the latest wife, she instantly became the favorite wife and was showered with attention and gifts by the man of the house while her seniors (now rivals) envied her. Her husband spent premium time with her to the exclusion of her seniors. This favorite position in which new wives are placed to the detriment of the women she met at home is the “aayo” (favorite) phenomenon. Two years later, at another performance in another village, she met another wealthy man who gave her more money in one day than she had ever seen with her two previous husbands. He even offered to pay off the current husband just to be with her. He too had four wives previously. But he wasted no time on-boarding Aduke. As the latest wife, Adukewas treated like a raw egg. Whatever she requested for, she got. She was even put in charge of some of the man’s affairs, a luxury none of the other wives ever had. Again, she had become the ‘aayo’ in her new homestead. Seeing what their husband did with the aayo, two of the senior wives made up their minds that faithfulness to their husband was no longer an option. They were willing to try their fortunes elsewhere if they had an opportunity.
Who is an “aayo”? The African society is traditionally polygamic. It is not unusual for a man to be married to several wives at the same time or in succession. Because it is practically impossible for any man to love and treat the several women in his life equally, it is usually to be expected that he would have a favourite. This is the woman that has his ears and gets his attention every time she wants it even if it is to the detriment of the other wives. This is the major reason for the unhealthy and sometimes diabolical rivalry that often characterizes many families, especially in the Yoruba society and culture. The favorite wife is called the “aayo” and is usually the newest wife. The “aayo” is treated delicately and can almost do no wrong. Very often, her word is law, to the envy of her seniors who, at some point, occupied that position. However, the dalliance is not forever. In time, clothed with the delusion of infallibility, the “aayo” slips into comfort zone and becomes like the people she met at home. She lapses into competition instead of sustaining the distinction that made her the centre of the husband’s attraction. Soon, the husband may be in the wife market again, shopping for a replacement.
According to Thomas Friedman, author of “The World is Flat”, current talent has a lifespan of three years before it becomes obsolete and needs replacement if not re-jigged and re-kitted. Unfortunately, in many organizations, this is the mindset that has birthed several spoilt, over-paid and underperforming ‘aayos’ who are headhunted at very high cost for their perceived high-value skills and talent. To attract them, a purpose position is created for them with a high title. They are usually given mouthwatering remuneration packages that are usually kept secret from those they met in-house and who may have been performing a similar role to what the new talent ‘aayo’ is hired to do. In HR parlance, their pay is made ‘personal’ to them. In some cases, to create room for the new “favorite wife” (aayo), one or two of the current staff would have to be laid off. Unfortunately, the “aayo” come in with the jaded mentality that they can ride roughshod over the people (senior wives) they met on ground. More often than not, the necessary initial buy-in from the in-house staff is never sought in the entire transaction. So, like every ‘aayo’, the new talent is marked as a foe and people function around him with a lot of suspicion. In time, he becomes a ready target of sabotage if the situation is not properly handled.
A few years down the road, it is discovered that the new talent only came on board because it was a better offer than where he came from, not because he has a commitment to the organization or its vision. In six months flat, he is already on the lookout for the next better place to berth. That should not come as a surprise. You are his fifth employer in four unbroken years of work! Highly talented and enigmatic with a magnetic personality, he has never stayed long enough to understand or blend with the culture of any corporate tribe. In many instances, the ‘aayo’ is a silo-thinker and operator and in a space of six months, has caused more problems in the system than the one he was employed to solve – with loads of disaffection in tow!
Even when he is eventually eased off, he has caused significant damage to the psyche of the remaining staff who had hitherto been loyal. Seeing what they had to endure with the “aayo”, they recognize how disloyal the organization they had literally slaved away a significant portion of their lives for is to them. They hardly come to work with their best performance anymore. In fact, many of them would start looking elsewhere to work because they have seen how easy it is for their current employer to throw them under the bus.
How do you walk the tightrope of engaging new talent without them being a threat to and causing disaffection with or among those they meet on ground? We will look at that in the next edition.
Remember, the sky is not your limit, God is!
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