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One trending issue in marriage today is domestic violence. Unfortunately, wives are also beginning to take the lead in physical abuse in marriage. I had been hearing stories of wives getting physical with their husbands. But, recently, I heard it life and direct from the horse’s mouth. A wife actually confessed to me that she was the aggressor in her marriage, when it comes to the issue of physical abuse. According to her, she would easily slap her husband at the slightest provocation. I sat flagger basted. I then resolved to again look at how to make our environment, violence free, or keep it to the insignificant level.
Let me start by saying that in breaking habits, one of the things to do, according to research is to associate pains with the habit. For instance, if the habit is excessive coffee consumption, you need to consider the pains this will cause you at the end of the day. This will help you to weigh the consequences of continuing with the habit or not. This pain, if played back in your mind, would help you to break the habit.
With respect to domestic physical abuse, more stringent measures should be put in place. This will checkmate an aggressively violent spouse. If for instance, he or she knows that such an act will inflict pains, she/he will not jump at the slightest opportunity, which is presently the order of the day. I remember that one of the things that restraining the wife I mentioned above now is the threat from her husband to fight back if she tries it again. She had indulged in slapping her husband because their faith forbids a man from beating his wife. Now, she is scared he may carry out his threat.
It’s easy to engage in physical abuse due to lack of self-control. But, it’s been discovered that when pain is involved lack of self-control can be handled. For instance, a male does not slap his female boss, though tongue- lashed by her, neither would a male touch or even speak roughly to a female military personnel no matter the provocation. He cannot afford the pains that will follow his reaction to the female military person.
In the United States of America and the United Kingdom, husbands behave better than in Nigeria, because unprofitable dare consequences await any husband who violently treats his wife either verbally or physically. I understand the price is far aboverubies: ejection from home, restricted access to children, heavy financial burden, easy access to separation and divorce with stringent conditions, and jail term are brain setting mechanism for husbands, in such climes.
Imagine if half of these heavy penalties are applicable here in Nigeria? Then, domestic physical violence would simply disappear, or becomes very rare.
The issue of family intervention in settling criminal matters of domestic physical abuse must be weeded out of our police and judicial system. Never again should the family institution be indulged with intervention in such matters. If families cannot intervene before it (physical abuse) sets in, then, the laws must be allowed to take its course, in the most stringent manner, for that matter.
The reality of the situation is better appreciated when it dawn on one that many of the physical abuse acts happen because husbands see it as an easy way to correct their wives, or force them into submission in the marriage.
Holistically, the best way to deal with physical abuse is to keep our environment violence free. It’s obvious that Nigerians are prone to violence. Siblings, friends, neighbours, colleagues, commuters, etc, engage freely in physical fights. This is why it’s so easy to engage in physical and emotional abuse in marriage. We are used to engaging in it, and getting away with it.
The government, families, employers, and societies should come down strictly on violent acts. Even, the few laws about violence, such as assault and battery, disturbance of public peace, and bodily injury, sanctions and compensation are not properly prosecuted and in many instances, unreported or settled out of court.
The issues of drugs and alcohol must also be dealt with, if violence will be kept away, or reduced to the barest minimum in our environment. Drugs, alcohol, and tobacco are easily available for consumption in the society. The fight against drugs and other narcotics is like a recurring decimal, like the fight against corruption. It’s far from being “near over”, not to talk of being over. In fact, I recently heard that cookies, cakes and other snacks are now being used to serve drugs. We therefore must be vigilant more than ever before to avoid being ignorantly tricked into drugs. The case of being “technically” won does not apply here.
Recent proliferation of arms and ammunitions is also a bad omen for a peaceful environment. This has emboldened people for violence and by extension, criminal activities. No wonder banditry, kidnapping, outright assassination have continued to be on the increase, rather than abating.
A violence restrained environment will rid our marriages of domestic physical, and even emotional abuse. We should not continue to spare the rod and spoil the child in handling the issue of violence in our clime. If we come down heavily on it, both through criminal and civil legal frameworks, sanity will be restored, and lives will be spared.
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